Summit K-12

Friday May 29th:

I'm about to leave for Seattle for the weekend. The school I went to for 7th grade through senior year is being closed so there is a farewell reunion/celebration this weekend. I'm really looking forward to seeing all my old friends and teachers and being in the Summit building one last time. When I found out about this months ago I really wanted Ramman to come (I still do). I wanted him to see where I came from and meet some of the people who helped shape me into who I am now and who I am still becoming. As the weekend approached it seemed as though it would be somewhat difficult logistically for him to make it. The reunion starts today (Friday) in the afternoon with an alumni basketball tournament, and he has an obligation here in Portland until 6pm.. So he would already have missed the basketball games, which I am playing in, and we were unsure how he would get up here later. But I was going to figure out a way to make it happen so that we could spend a nice weekend together in Seattle. Just when I had figured out a plan, my mother decided to spaz out again and go on a rampage of sending messages about how awful Ramman is and how he is not right for me, etc etc.. (This has been happening off and on for about a year now.) So I made the decision to ask Ramman to stay in Portland so that I could make an attempt at connecting with my mom over the weekend and I knew she would unfortunately not be open to this if he was there (for whatever reason or lack thereof, because there actually is NO logic behind why she says she doesn't like him). So here I am about to leave, and I'm regretting making that decision for a few reasons. First, I want Ramman to be there. That in itself is reason enough. Second, I'm only encouraging her manipulative behavior by giving in to what she demands, which will only make future attempts at having them be around each other all the more difficult. And third, same as first, I should have just done what I wanted to do. I feel like I've gone against my philosophy about only doing what it is that I want to do and not being forced into doing something I don't.

All I am trying to do is make this better. It has been stressing me out for a year. The fact that my mom has decided that Ramman isn't the right man for me has made having a good relationship with her absolutely impossible. And she is not open to getting to know him. She has already cast her judgement and nothing can be done to change her mind, unless of course she decides to.

And in the midst of trying to make this better, I am making the wrong decisions and crying way too often.

Frustration.

Sunday May 31st:

I just got home from a very long and eventful weekend. And apparently I'm not home yet. I have not had one second to reflect on the last three days and their profound impact on me. And now that I am home, I am regretting even more that Ramman wasn't there. He knows that I have just gone through this amazing experience with old friends, my mother, Ann Reese (whom I will write more about later), and myself but he is not connected to it. Since he wasn't a part of it, he seems frustrated that I am not all the way home yet. I understand his frustration. But I still need time to decompress and reflect on all that has happened this weekend. I'm unable to put it all into sentences and paragraphs at this point....

Friday: basketball tournament, Mama came and had so much fun, seeing everyone for the first time in years- Dharma, Gabe, Adam, Yuuki, Jessica, Sita, Devin, Carley, Corey, Jared, Justin, Crystal, Carrie, my teachers, etc..

Friday Night: hanging out with Jasen, Adam, Jess, Dharma

Saturday: went to appointment with Ann Reese, cried, and had profound realizations of my strength and individuality.. Met up with Mindy, went to Glimpses, saw more old friends and two of my favorite teachers: Andy Bell and Cora Mackoff.. Watched Glimpses and cried with the slide show of pictures and quotes, saw Maya dance..

Saturday Night: went to Jalisco's with EVERYONE. Visited, hugged, laughed, reconnected.. Went with Gabe to see my dear Maren<3

Sunday: hung out with Mama, left to meet up with Rachel who I haven't seen since I moved to Portland.. drove home..... reflection.. gratitude.. looking forward..

Profound

On Tuesday night:
I just don't know what to do. Right now I just feel like running away. Far away. Seriously. I'm thinking that I will get my ESL certificate and just go. Ramman may come too. Maybe I need to do it alone..? Maybe it will be wonderful with him.. I just don't know. But I do know that I want to leave. I want- no I need to experience life in other cultures, learn other languages, and just be away from all of this.. This that is our society, American culture and the expectations and standards of the people that buy into it. It's all bullshit.

On Wednesday night:
I just watched the second Zeitgeist movie: Zeitgeist Addendum. It was incredibly profound. I remember crying after I saw the first Zeitgeist movie because I felt so helpless.. This one was quite different. It was empowering. Knowledge is empowering. Just when I started to feel lost and out of control of my own destiny, this movie reminded me that I can be free. I can achieve what I want to achieve, despite the system constantly trying to keep me, and others like me, down. I say fuck that. I'm going to do great things and experience life how I want to experience it. Mistakes will be made along the way, victories will be had, and it will all be wonderful. People may not agree that my decisions are the best, but they are my decisions, and I will own them no matter what they are. No decision I make is going to ruin my life. No regrets will fill my heart throughout this journey and when I'm done I will rejoice in all that was: my miraculous life.

Here is the movie.. Take action- watch it..

Taking it easy this week

This week I am listening to myself.. Other things are going on in my life that are requiring a certain amount of energy, so I am only training if I want to. It is a good time to just take it easy and only do what I want to do.. Next week I'll be back on track with my regular training schedule.

Today I just felt like doing a bunch of different things instead of a WOD:

20 V-Ups
20 Arch-Ups
20 Side Arches each side
20 Lemon Squeezes
40 Russian Twists
2 Sets of stairs
(all with client Zach)

10 Muscle Ups from knees
10 Dips
3x5 Strict Pullups
3x10 GHD Sit-Ups
3x10 GHD Back Extensions
3x5 GHD Side Arches
100 Double Unders for time= 3:23
2x20 Squats & Lunges + 45# weight vest
10 Bent knee wall handstand drill
Hips, Knees, & Ankles Pre-hab (Ramman learned at the GB Seminar, really good stuff!)

It really is a good life..

Yesterday as I was getting ready to ride my bike up to Council Crest and spend some meditative time alone, my friend Tad calls.. A few of my friends were hanging out, having a barbecue and jumping into a 3 foot pool filled with freezing cold hose water.. So I said, "I'm in, be there in a bit." So I quickly did a workout and hopped on my bike and pedaled over to Hawthorne in the sunshine. It wasn't exactly meditative time alone, but it served the same purpose: joy and resolution.

This weekend I didn't expect to figure it all out. I didn't expect that three days of spending time alone would lead me to any grand conclusions about what career I next want to go into, or how to heal my relationship with my mother. I know that it will take more than just one long weekend. But what I did realize is that I have a good life. I have a few problems, yes, but so does everyone else.. ultimately my life is wonderful. I have love and companionship, I have incredible friends, I have a comfortable place to live, I have plenty of food, I have a healthy and able body, I have good jobs that provide me with enough money, and I have ambition. So even though I am questioning certain things about my life, I know that it will come to me. My questions will be answered, well- at least the ones I need the answers to. And for the time being, I am happy and safe and healthy. I have abundance.

One thing I did decide this weekend is that this summer I am committing myself to experiencing joy. I am going to hang out with my friends more, be a bit more spontaneous, spend lots of time outside, and take spur of the moment adventures on days when I don't have much going on. I am going to do all the things that fill me with joy and grace.. I am going to surround myself with happiness and light so that my life will continue to be abundantly filled with exactly that. By making my journey a fulfilling one is how I will get the answers, how I will gain perspective and realize exactly who I am.. It's life.

Today Ramman came home around 1:30pm and I was thinking that I would do a workout and just hang out at home, but instead we spontaneously went to a river with his friend who is visiting for a week or so. His friend is from Portland originally and so he knew of a secluded spot on the Sandy River, about 45 minutes away. It was such a magical place. We got there and as it turned out it was a watershed and we had to hop a fence and walk about a mile (above picture) in to this bridge that was about 100 feet above the river. Nobody else was there. The river was pretty high, so instead of being able to just walk along the shallow rocks, we had to make our way down small cliffs, over rocks, and through brush until we got to one of the pools. We were all scratched up and stung by a few nettles so even though it wasn't too hot, we jumped right into the FREEZING water. It felt so amazing. The river wasn't the only thing that refreshed me.. I felt very calm in this place. I even could hear what sounded like voices as we were trekking through the woods.. happy voices.. river voices. It was the strangest thing; it was comforting. This is the way that I want to spend my summer.. my life. Enjoying the unknown experiences that make me feel alive and connected with the worlds around me.

The view of the river from the bridge:

Here's the WOD I did yesterday:
Half "Barbara"

5 Rounds for time:

10 Pullups

15 Pushups

20 Situps

25 Squats

17:45

A Weekend Alone

Ramman left yesterday for the Gymnastic Bodies Seminar down in California. Besides having to be at work today, I am enjoying my time alone. Apparently I have a lot of things to think about.. I think tomorrow I am going to ride my bike up to Council Crest. In the two years that I have lived in Portland, I have never been up there. I've heard you can see all of Portland and it will be a beautiful, clear, sunny day. My focus this weekend is to just be in the moment, alone.

I was planning on driving up to Olympia to celebrate my brother's birthday tonight, but driving for two hours only to not really get to hang out with him (he'll be spinning records at a dance club) and be with a bunch of strangers dancing until 2am is pretty much the opposite of what I want to do. And what I need. If I went, I wouldn't be able to take full advantage of this weekend alone, and this is something I need right now. I'm sorry Ira, I love you and happy birthday.. Linz and I are getting you an iPod:)

This week has been very challenging on a few different levels. But I think what it all boils down to is that I need to pay some serious attention to myself for a while so that I can figure out what it is that I want to do. More on that tomorrow...........

Friday's WOD:
(I had low energy and just wanted to move a bit, so this wasn't timed or too intense..)
4 Rounds:
10 GHD Situps
10 GHD Back Extensions
10 GHD Side Arches
10 KB Swings 16kg

My life is like the weather in Portland.

I haven't posted my workouts for a few days, here's what I've been doing..

Monday-
GB WOD:
3x5 Heavy Weighted Deck Squats
3x5 Half GHR (negatives)
3x10 Hip Circles
Stretch

Also:
3x10 GHD Situps
3x10 GHD Back Extensions
3x5 GHD Side Arches
Jog 1 mile (with clients)
30 Divebomber Pushups (with clients)

Tuesday-

5 sets of 202 stairs, 10 pushups at the top

Total Stairs= 1,010
Total Pushups= 50

Wednesday-

Inspired, once again, by CrossFit 603:

Lift 40x my body weight (145x40= 5,800 lbs) from the ground to overhead..

I decided to turn this into lifting the weight from not quite the ground to overhead :l seeing as how I have hardly done ANY Oly lifting in the last 6 months (at least)

**So- I used 75 lbs and did 77 Hang Clean /Split Jerks for a total of 5,800 lbs moved. Boy was that rough. During the first ten reps this is what was going through my head, "EFF.. I don't know if I can even do 50.." But I did all 77 of them, it took me 20:14, but I did them all.

This has been an incredibly challenging week so far. Ramman and I found out on Monday that we can no longer use our garage for our training business. The agreement we made with the landlord should not have been made because as it turns out, the whole thing is not okay with the owners of the complex, Norris & Stevens (only one of the biggest real estate/property management companies in Portland). We were under the impression that we were allowed to do this, based on what our landlord said. This is the ONLY reason we moved to these apartments, and now it has to be shut down. We aren't even sure if they are okay with us using it for ourselves, and if we can't even do that, we definitely want OUT. We've written a letter to Norris & Stevens (currently being proofread by one of my clients) to request to be let out of our lease because of the false pretense which we were operating under. Hopefully they will grant this to us along with permission for personal use of our garage until we move. This week has just been a nightmare. However, I do not regret taking part in this endeavor. I can just hear my mother saying that she "told me so!" or she "knew it!" and that it's "all Ramman's fault!" (this is the other stressful thing happening in my life at the moment)- but in no way is it his, or my, fault. We invested our time, energy, and money into this project together. We went into this together and we are sticking together through it.. And whatever we do next will most likely be together, if not in support of one another. All I can do is hope that the big guys at Norris & Stevens agree to grant us what we are asking for. After all, to them it's nothing, but to us it's huge.

The next plan? Well... I don't know. I am struggling with figuring out exactly what I want to do with myself. I know what kind of life I want to ultimately have; a simple one. I want to travel. I want to train. I want to have a fulfilling job. I want to learn other languages. I want to experience love without any outside pressures from family. But I do not want any one of these things to be my identity. I want to be secure and stable. I want to be comfortable. But I do not want to be just another cog in the wheel of American society. I want to be FREE. How do I acheive all of these things? My mom would say to marry someone who can provide them all for me, I wouldn't have to do anything. But that is not what I want. I want to create my own reality. I want to create it together with Ramman. I can see clearly what I want, but what is unclear is how to get there, the most important part, right? The journey... I don't know what my journey is.. my path. I feel a little lost. I feel like being a trainer is over for me. I'm ready to move on, to focus on something new. I know I am a good trainer, and I have succeeded at this.. But I cannot picture myself doing this in 10, even 5 years. I don't picture anything. I enjoy training people, I know I help people, and I am a good teacher and listener. I have developed some incredible relationships through this career. But I just don't know if really "does it" for me. I will always train. I will always be passionate about moving and using your physical body as much as you can, and even teaching it to some people.. but the actual jobs and business ideas in this industry seem so temporal.. for me.

Should I go back to school? Get my teaching certificate (sounds of mother cheering, off in the distance).. Work abroad as a teacher? Do I want to work with kids? Teens? Adults? Teach ESL? I do want to travel. Working abroad seems like a smart way to do this. Getting a teaching certificate would make working abroad easier. Seems like a smart thing to do. But- WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?

It's time for some serious soul-searching.

Channelling Energy

Ape Cave last summer

Well, of course I was a little too ambitious going to into today, I knew I would not get to everything.. but it was still a pretty good day (minus some drama with my mama!) I got to sleep in until about 10am, had a delicious egg and veggie breakfast, spent some time alone, sat in the sun, trained for over three hours, had my brother over for a delicious chicken and veggie dinner, played around on the Internet, and chilled out. That's a good Sunday.

Shoulder stretches and prehab
Handstand work:
bent knee wall drill x10
partner drill facing wall (shift weight back & forth)
Partner backbend stretch 3x10
Backbend kickover progressions w/ panel mat- 4 panels to floor (x2)= 12 total
Muscle up work:
about 10 attempts, getting very high on rings but going out too wide at the top...

Then on to a WOD (that I made up):
Buy In:
GHD work
3x0 front
3x10 back
WOD: 21-15-9 for time 10:50
Pullups
KB "wall ball sub" 12kg
KB Snatch 12kg (21 stronger arm, 15 & 9 weaker arm)
Cash Out:
10 TGU's each side 12kg (2x5 each)
Stretch

That was about 3-31/2 hours of training today. Good stuff. I felt like I did pretty well at channelling some intense energy from my personal life into my training today. It was a rough start to the day, but I decided to take that energy and turn it into something positive, something that would bring me joy. It made me feel better. Hopefully my mom and I can get through this.

With the summer approaching I am getting excited to go on some outdoor adventures with Ramman. Hiking, climbing, the coast, Seattle, Spokane, Vancouver BC.. We have lots of places to go, people to see, and things to do!!

Missed a few days..

It's been a few days since I posted.. here's what I've done the last two days..

Thursday: Gymnastics Class at Omega

Stretching

Lots of handstand work- facing wall, free, hs roll, tuck up, pike up, straddle up, pirouette attempts, etc..

Tumble Track- punch jumps, straight jumps, hollow jumps, arch jumps, front handsprings, jump back drill for back handsprings, front tuck attempts onto big mat

P-Bar walks, P-Bar Hops, P-Bar L-Sit walks

1 Rope Climb- 5 steps without feet

Friday: My WOD

Buy In-

10 TGUs each side 12kg

30 Double Unders

WOD- 5 Rounds for time 14:42

10 Knees to Elbows

10 KB Snatches- 5 each side 16kg

10 Box Jumps 24 inches

Cash Out-

Accumulate 1 minute Hollow Hold

Accumulate 1 minute Arch Hold

I've been using this "Buy In & Cash Out" used by CrossFit 603. It's a pretty cool concept of just adding in a few more exercises into a one hour workout. On days that I only have one hour (which are not preferable over days with 3+ hours) to train I have implemented their idea of Buy Ins and Cash Outs. That way I have a little more structure and efficiency to my hour. Obviously it is more ideal to have multiple hours a day to train so that I can spend plenty of time on skills, strength, and metcon.. But unfortunately not everyday allows that. By the way, CrossFit 603 has some killer wods too:)

We got our GHD!!! It's assembled and tested, and it ROCKS. The thing is HUGE. It's a step up from the ones I've used before, it's actually quite a BEAST of a piece of equipment. I'm excited to incorporate it into my training. Soon I will have such a stable and strong core that I will no longer be dealing with sciatic pain:)

Our garage is looking pretty nice these days.. We've organized and cleaned up a bit, still more to do, and a few more things on the wish list to buy (like a Concept 2 Rower!), but it's getting there! Now it's time to pick up our marketing so we can get some more people in there! Exciting times for us.

Tomorrow is Sunday. My favorite day. I am usually overly ambitious about how much stuff I want to do on Sunday. Tomorrow I am planning on finishing up filming for our video for The Amazing Race, doing some bouldering at Circuit (or Parkour outside), in addition to a couple of hours of training (handstands, backbends, and muscle ups) in the garage, working in the garden (which is sort of pathetic right now), having my brother over, and of course all of the chores like sweeping and laundry. Phew! Seems like I might not get to all of it, but it will be a great day any way! I'll just be glad to get outside.. Today I am missing the entire beautiful sunny day, stuck inside at work........

This is not okay..

Portland sunrise.. a picture will do- no really, I don't need to see it..

Here are a few clues as to how effing early I have to get up on Wednesdays:

1) The sun isn't up

2) It's May, however it's cold enough to wear my puffy coat

3) The parking meters don't accept money yet

4) I'm at work before the construction workers

5) I'm at work an hour and a half before the coffee cart opens

6) The night security guard is still at the concierge desk

Last night I could not fall asleep. With this new Wednesday opening (4:45am!!!!!!) shift at March Wellness (my craptastic part-time, steady income, benefits job), I have pretty much resigned mayself to sleeping very little, like 4 hours, the night before, and taking a very long nap when I get home around noon. However, while I normally have no problem falling asleep around midnight (and waking up about 8:30, to no alarm, so nice..) on Tuesday nights I find myself anxious and wide awake until well after I attempt to go to sleep. Last night I was lying awake until after 2am, only for my alarm to go off at 4:15am. This is not okay. I don't normally drink coffee, since I quit last year, but these Wednesdays it is an absolute necessity. Why did I take this shift in the first place? Because in order to get benefits (medical and dental insurance) I must work at least 20 hours a week here. And the shittiest shifts were what I got.. low end of the totem pole, even though I've worked here for 2 years now. I am beginning to hate this place. While I am here, I dream about my garage and how nice it will be when I make more money training out of it 10 hours a week than I do with my two jobs and 25-30 hours combined. I am seriously considering dropping this early shift, and thus dropping my benefits for a while, for the sake of my physical and mental health. Some of you might say, "But it's only one day a week, not such a big deal!" Yeah, that's what I thought too.. but this is not the case. It makes it harder. And I'm not going to do it ANYMORE.

Okay, it's later in the day now, I'm home, had a nap- but still exhausted. It's a good day to take a rest since my body and brain are not actually fully functional. I spoke with my boss about this opening nonsense and hopefully I will be able to trade a shift with someone. Fingers crossed.. otherwise, I'm just going to have to say fuck it and lose some hours for the sake of my health.

All the more motivation to get my own thing going and stop working for others.

Goal Achieved: Backbend Kickover

Shoulder Stretching/Opening
Partner back bend stretch 3x10
Backbend kick overs x12 (6 each side) 4 panels down to the floor(!!)

RCF WOD:
7 rounds for time-
Run 200m
10 Burpees
10 Pullups
24:20

That was a tough metcon.

I'm super stoked that I FINALLY achieved my backbend kickover from the floor. I have been working on this for quite some time using panel mat progressions and some shoulder opening stretches. But NONE of the stretching or kicking over from an elevated surface has worked like the partner back bend stretch that Ido showed us. After a good warmup and working my way down the stack of panels; when I finally did it from the floor, it was EASY.