Liberation!

Last Thursday evening I got in my car to drive out to Beaverton where Ramman was already at the adult gymnastics class we like to go to. I was going to be late so he got a ride with someone and I was going to get there just in time to do a few handstands and flips into the pit and then go home. But the car didn't want to go. It tried, bless it's heart, it tried. I had to turn around, say a prayer that it wouldn't crap out on HW-26 and that I would get home safely. I did. The next day I take 'er in. A few hours later they call to give me the news... the Honda is real sick. And old. 21 years old to be exact. 152k. And it was running on 3 out of 4 cylinders. Now, I don't really know what the hell a cylinder is or does. But now I know that it is a part of the engine.. and the engine needs all 4 of them.. and anything having to do with fixing an engine is ridiculously expensive. Like more than what my little '89 Honda Civic is worth. Like at least a GRAND. And that's not including the other shit that was wrong with it. So, it's time to say farewell to my cute little car, it has served me well.. and GOOD RIDDANCE. Ever since I started driving, I have had car issues after car issues. So instead of being stressed 'Oh no! What will I do without a car?' or upset 'I'm screwed without a car!' -I am free. Free from paying for car insurance. Free from paying for gas. Free from worrying if it will make where I am going. Free from expensive repairs. FREE FROM CAR STRESS. I have a TriMet pass. I have a bike. Portland is small. I signed up for ZipCar. And we can rent a car or take the train for trips to Seattle or the coast. No problem. I might even be able to get some cash for the old Civic- lots of good parts in there!

Liberation feels good.

Training is all effed up this week. I can't tell if I am getting sick or if I just have allergies.. But I feel like poo. So I'm taking it easy until I feel ready to go at it again.. Bah! Scratchy throat, I hate you. Just when I am cruising along and feeling good, ready to kick it up a notch, you show up and ruin the fun..

Mexico.Belize.Thailand.Japan.

Phuket, Thailand: I could study here.

Oh my, the possibilities are ENDLESS. As I sit here on a Saturday afternoon at the march wellness fitness floor computer, I am getting more and more excited with every thought, every click of the mouse, every page I read, every idea I have while researching teaching English in another country! Just the thought of being in another country by itself is enough to get my daydreaming, idealistic self all riled up. I am going to make this happen. I am going to travel. If I end up not enjoying teaching English, then I'll just stop.. and do something else. I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. So I might as well try anything that I want to try. As long as I am smart about it and I make the appropriate plans and take the necessary precautions, why not just DO IT. Worst (realistic) case scenario (realistic meaning, nothing involving injury, illness, or death of course) is that I end up back home in the good ol' USofA sooner than I anticipated with little to no money and I go back to training and/or go back to school. That's a pretty good 'worst case' if you ask me.

The thought of doing this with Ramman makes it that much better. Ever since we met we've been dreaming about going on adventures together and seeing the world. Now we can give ourselves that opportunity. By doing our research and carefully planning (as carefully as one can plan when deciding to travel the world sort of open-endedly), and setting up an ideal situation for ourselves in someplace like Japan, we could open up all sorts of other opportunities. I truly believe that we can create our ideal lifestyle in a place with white sandy beaches, living simply, with frequent trips to visit family and friends, and minimum stress and maximum creativity. How, I don't exactly know- but if I knew that now, I'd be there already! That is the fun of life, figuring IT out as best you can, and having fun along the way. I refuse to buy into the program that so many people have fallen victim to, without even knowing it. It's the program of a "9-5" and being part of a machine that is only meant to improve the lives of the chosen few who are already at the top and coincidentally (or NOT) aren't the ones who need lifestyle improvements or assistance. This is not to say that I just want to sit on the beach and drink pina coladas for the rest of my life and let my mind and heart wither away with inactivity. No, actually, it's exactly the opposite that I am after. FREE TIME. To do the things that really light the fire. Help people, teach people, make things with my hands, grow things, fix things, build things, contribute to humanity in tangible ways. To be able to do all of these sorts of things without the stress of American life as I have experienced it thus far. I want to be an ex patriot. I want to come back, but I have to leave for a while.

Some of you nay-sayers (not all of you, but there are a lot of them out there) might be asking how the hell I'm planning on achieving this lifestyle by teaching English in another country... Well, I'm not- that is just the beginning. I know that once I do something big like leave home to go live in another country for a year, the lights will come on and the doors will open. ALL. OVER. THE. WORLD. I have an amazing partner, we don't have any kids or property (except Toro, who I will have to place with somebody while I am gone), now is the time to start this adventure.

So far it looks like for the actual teaching job itself Japan will be the best option. Ramman and I have a friend, Jenni, who taught there for two years and can hook us up (if not help us, or one of us, get hired there) with contacts. Japan pays the most and in the smaller cities outside of Tokyo and Osaka, the cost of living modestly is not too high. And even though we bombed the shit out of them in World War II, thanks to the tried-and-true war games executed geniusly by Roosevelt, the Japanese people LOVE them some Americans. It will be so incredible to be in the Japanese culture and living a completely different lifestyle than what I am used to. And even though Japanese isn't the first on my list of languages to learn, hey it's a start. Plus, I LOVE Japanese food. Jenni lived there in 2000 and paid $400 a month for a 1 bedroom with shoji screens and tatami mats that was big enough for two people. And she surely was paid at least $2000-$2400 a month. She taught people of all ages, from babies and moms to business men and doctors. She said she would have stayed had 9/11 not happened.

So, next up: find the course to take and register. CELTA is the best course to take as it is the most highly accredited certification. Then there is a TESOL/TEFL course that is almost just as good (I am still a little confused about what course is what and if some of them are the same with multiple names). These courses run anywhere from $1200-$2600 depending on where you take it. Phuket, Thailand offers the course for $1600 including accommodations (a modest room or hotel room) and possibly even some food. The course is 4 weeks long and goes from 9am-6pm every weekday (Fridays you are done at 3pm). In Thailand you can eat for $5 a day. And if we didn't want to stay in the accommodations provided we could find a nicer place for like $300 for one month. There is a course that starts pretty much every month of the year, so you just pick the month you want to go and register for it. The ONLY thing I have a reservation with is registering for the course which costs A LOT of money, online. A little sketch. So hopefully more research and answered questions will shed some light on this matter.

The MOST IDEAL situation for us would be this: save money like our lives depend on it, leave the US around January, go to Mexico and/or Belize for a month, fly to Thailand from there, take the month long CELTA course, apply for jobs in Japan, travel around a bit more, go to Japan and teach English for a year, and then..........

Possibility.

Today I had a revelation of sorts. Once you realize that anything is possible, like REALLY realize.. it can become a little stressful. And once you realize that EVERYTHING is possible, well- it can be even more stressful and overwhelming. And if you're not careful, you could even get depressed by thinking 'Well, if anything and everything's possible, why the hell haven't I done it yet??' It adds to the irony of life I suppose..

So here I am in the midst of realizing the possibilities, like REALLY. People (parents, teachers, mentors, family, friends, spiritual gurus, etc.) have always told me that I can do anything I want to do; that nothing is impossible; the world is mine. But it's something different now that I actually BELIEVE that I can do anything I want to do. And I didn't even realize that I didn't entirely believe this, until now. It's quite empowering.. and quite intimidating.

The next plan: live in Portland until our lease is up in February next year and then go to Mexico (the Yucatan Peninsula) for a month or so. In Mexico we'll learn some Spanish and live simply and just have a good time. Then we will leave from Mexico to where ever we end up getting teaching jobs and stay in that country for the length of whatever teaching contract(s) we get (hopefully 6 month contracts, so we can go on to somewhere else). In the meantime, here in Portland, we will figure out what English teaching certificate to get (if any), start applying for jobs in the countries that pay the most (Japan and Korea happen to be at the top of the pay scale), and network with people who have contacts overseas- who knows, maybe there are some other jobs that we could apply for that have nothing to do with teaching English.

Everything is possible.

"Suicide Stairs"

This is how I felt by the fifth set of stairs today.. But it felt good. There is a crazy set of stairs by my house that is fondly referred to by some as the "Suicide Stairs".. it ascends for probably about 100-150 feet up a ravine and consists of 202 steps (which someone so kindly marked at the top, although I have counted them myself too). It was humid and warm and I was drenched in sweat. By the time I was done I had ascended a total of 1,010 steps and done 100 push ups. It was wonderful:) Although I can't believe that there was a time once (or twice) a couple of years ago that I ran DOUBLE this amount of stairs.. much slower, I'm sure.. yikes.

The Storm

The Northwest is so funny when it comes to weather. So many times have we been caught off guard by "extreme" (for such a mild climate) weather conditions- example: the snow storm this last winter that gave us about a foot and a half of snow. But the funny part isn't when the weather actually happens; the funny part is when there is all of this anticipation for some huge storm and then it doesn't happen. Like today.

It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day up until about 4:30pm. Then these evil looking dark clouds began to blanket the sky in a seriously threatening manner. It has been very humid the past few days, so I've been waiting for it to rain so that I can stop sweating CONSTANTLY.. so I'm thinking, 'Yes. Finally.' I was at work training a client and the t.v. was on (because it is ALWAYS on unless I turn it off, these people don't know what to do without information overload- ALL THE TIME..) and I noticed that there was some text written across the screen, I read it and it said "Severe thunderstorms for the following counties:" and my county was listed. I looked outside again and the sky was almost BLACK. I thought, 'I wonder if I can get home on my bike before it's too nasty out." But by the time I was done training my client, the Emergency Broadcast System had come on, no, not the test, the actual Emergency Broadcast System. Damn. I don't think I have EVER seen that (of course I don't have a t.v.)- it was as if we were being attacked or we were waiting for a tornado to hit.. in OREGON. I was about to get on my bike and race home, but my boss/friend advised me not to because he thought I would get caught in the worst of it. So, I waited... about 45 minutes later, still nothing had happened except for a 30 second downpour and a couple small flashes of lightening. I looked outside and it looked like it was clearing, so I hopped on my bike and pedaled my heart out so that I could get home before it REALLY hit. Here I am, almost an hour and a half later and still NOTHING has happened.

And I was getting all amped up for a thunderstorm.

Catching Up..

This is Gabe and Maren, two of my dearest friends from Summit..
It was so good to see them:)

I missed logging a couple of workouts from last week:

Thursday 5.28
Ran the waterfront loop, about 3 miles, did not time
Gymnastics at Omega: handstands, trampoline, back tuck drills, one spotted back tuck off of spring board onto 8 inch

Friday 5.29
2 basketball games at Summit, 2 hours

Sat & Sun: Rest

Monday 6.1
Back on schedule with training
1.5 hours

Tuesday 6.2
2 hours

I am going back to keeping track of my training in a notebook. I would like to be able to do both a notebook and my blog, but it just takes too much time. I am trying to do as Tim Ferriss, author of "The 4 Hour Workweek", teaches in his book: simplify things. So my blog now is only going to be for writing. I'll still write about training, of course, because it's such a big part of my life, I just won't be tracking the specifics on here.

I have a focus now. Ramman and I are going to let Rip City Fitness live throughout the summer in the parks outside.. and if it goes for longer than that, great. I am going to keep working and save some money. We are going to finish our lease at our apartment and when it is up, we will be outro. I am doing a lot of research on teaching English abroad: which certifications are the best, which countries offer the highest pay and accommodations, where Ramman and I can both work, and where we want to go. So far it seems that Korea, Japan, and Thailand have the most ideal set up. Teaching English abroad will be a smart way to travel.. start out in a place with good pay and enough hours, and then move on to other countries once the money isn't as much of a factor. And just travel. Not to mention, there are numerous places where we can take the certification course (CELTA is the one I am looking at, it's like the NSCA/ACSM certification of TEFL, although it is also the most expensive and it might be better to do a cheaper one...) like NY, DC, Thailand, Costa Rica, Mexico, etc, etc. Today I am finally going to the post office to turn in my passport application.. It's been in my bag for over a month waiting to be dropped off.. Procrastination at it's best- er worst. And the research continues.....

I've been able to reflect a little bit on my weekend up in Seattle. On Saturday morning I went to see this incredible woman, Ann Reese. She used to be a counselor but she gave up her license because she didn't agree with the lack of ethics in the processes that counselors have to take, specifically taking notes on patients and handing the notes over to the state. So she is now an Existential Phenomenologist. Now, some people might say she's a kook with a title like that, but she is philosophical, intelligent, insightful, and intuitive, and talking with her empowered me. I went to her with an open mind and curious to see what sort of insight on my own life she could offer, and it was an affirming experience. We mostly talked about my relationship with my mother and how I can be more assertive in setting boundaries with her as well as be more inviting. These two things may seem like opposites, but exercised together, hopefully, will lead to more mutual respect and understanding. She reminded me that I am a strong individual and that I am doing well. She could see things about me that I have been confused over or forgotten.. I am doing well.. and nothing is wrong with any aspect of the way that I am living my life. And I am ready to make the changes in my life as I see fit.

I'm ready.

Summit K-12

Friday May 29th:

I'm about to leave for Seattle for the weekend. The school I went to for 7th grade through senior year is being closed so there is a farewell reunion/celebration this weekend. I'm really looking forward to seeing all my old friends and teachers and being in the Summit building one last time. When I found out about this months ago I really wanted Ramman to come (I still do). I wanted him to see where I came from and meet some of the people who helped shape me into who I am now and who I am still becoming. As the weekend approached it seemed as though it would be somewhat difficult logistically for him to make it. The reunion starts today (Friday) in the afternoon with an alumni basketball tournament, and he has an obligation here in Portland until 6pm.. So he would already have missed the basketball games, which I am playing in, and we were unsure how he would get up here later. But I was going to figure out a way to make it happen so that we could spend a nice weekend together in Seattle. Just when I had figured out a plan, my mother decided to spaz out again and go on a rampage of sending messages about how awful Ramman is and how he is not right for me, etc etc.. (This has been happening off and on for about a year now.) So I made the decision to ask Ramman to stay in Portland so that I could make an attempt at connecting with my mom over the weekend and I knew she would unfortunately not be open to this if he was there (for whatever reason or lack thereof, because there actually is NO logic behind why she says she doesn't like him). So here I am about to leave, and I'm regretting making that decision for a few reasons. First, I want Ramman to be there. That in itself is reason enough. Second, I'm only encouraging her manipulative behavior by giving in to what she demands, which will only make future attempts at having them be around each other all the more difficult. And third, same as first, I should have just done what I wanted to do. I feel like I've gone against my philosophy about only doing what it is that I want to do and not being forced into doing something I don't.

All I am trying to do is make this better. It has been stressing me out for a year. The fact that my mom has decided that Ramman isn't the right man for me has made having a good relationship with her absolutely impossible. And she is not open to getting to know him. She has already cast her judgement and nothing can be done to change her mind, unless of course she decides to.

And in the midst of trying to make this better, I am making the wrong decisions and crying way too often.

Frustration.

Sunday May 31st:

I just got home from a very long and eventful weekend. And apparently I'm not home yet. I have not had one second to reflect on the last three days and their profound impact on me. And now that I am home, I am regretting even more that Ramman wasn't there. He knows that I have just gone through this amazing experience with old friends, my mother, Ann Reese (whom I will write more about later), and myself but he is not connected to it. Since he wasn't a part of it, he seems frustrated that I am not all the way home yet. I understand his frustration. But I still need time to decompress and reflect on all that has happened this weekend. I'm unable to put it all into sentences and paragraphs at this point....

Friday: basketball tournament, Mama came and had so much fun, seeing everyone for the first time in years- Dharma, Gabe, Adam, Yuuki, Jessica, Sita, Devin, Carley, Corey, Jared, Justin, Crystal, Carrie, my teachers, etc..

Friday Night: hanging out with Jasen, Adam, Jess, Dharma

Saturday: went to appointment with Ann Reese, cried, and had profound realizations of my strength and individuality.. Met up with Mindy, went to Glimpses, saw more old friends and two of my favorite teachers: Andy Bell and Cora Mackoff.. Watched Glimpses and cried with the slide show of pictures and quotes, saw Maya dance..

Saturday Night: went to Jalisco's with EVERYONE. Visited, hugged, laughed, reconnected.. Went with Gabe to see my dear Maren<3

Sunday: hung out with Mama, left to meet up with Rachel who I haven't seen since I moved to Portland.. drove home..... reflection.. gratitude.. looking forward..

Profound

On Tuesday night:
I just don't know what to do. Right now I just feel like running away. Far away. Seriously. I'm thinking that I will get my ESL certificate and just go. Ramman may come too. Maybe I need to do it alone..? Maybe it will be wonderful with him.. I just don't know. But I do know that I want to leave. I want- no I need to experience life in other cultures, learn other languages, and just be away from all of this.. This that is our society, American culture and the expectations and standards of the people that buy into it. It's all bullshit.

On Wednesday night:
I just watched the second Zeitgeist movie: Zeitgeist Addendum. It was incredibly profound. I remember crying after I saw the first Zeitgeist movie because I felt so helpless.. This one was quite different. It was empowering. Knowledge is empowering. Just when I started to feel lost and out of control of my own destiny, this movie reminded me that I can be free. I can achieve what I want to achieve, despite the system constantly trying to keep me, and others like me, down. I say fuck that. I'm going to do great things and experience life how I want to experience it. Mistakes will be made along the way, victories will be had, and it will all be wonderful. People may not agree that my decisions are the best, but they are my decisions, and I will own them no matter what they are. No decision I make is going to ruin my life. No regrets will fill my heart throughout this journey and when I'm done I will rejoice in all that was: my miraculous life.

Here is the movie.. Take action- watch it..

Taking it easy this week

This week I am listening to myself.. Other things are going on in my life that are requiring a certain amount of energy, so I am only training if I want to. It is a good time to just take it easy and only do what I want to do.. Next week I'll be back on track with my regular training schedule.

Today I just felt like doing a bunch of different things instead of a WOD:

20 V-Ups
20 Arch-Ups
20 Side Arches each side
20 Lemon Squeezes
40 Russian Twists
2 Sets of stairs
(all with client Zach)

10 Muscle Ups from knees
10 Dips
3x5 Strict Pullups
3x10 GHD Sit-Ups
3x10 GHD Back Extensions
3x5 GHD Side Arches
100 Double Unders for time= 3:23
2x20 Squats & Lunges + 45# weight vest
10 Bent knee wall handstand drill
Hips, Knees, & Ankles Pre-hab (Ramman learned at the GB Seminar, really good stuff!)

It really is a good life..

Yesterday as I was getting ready to ride my bike up to Council Crest and spend some meditative time alone, my friend Tad calls.. A few of my friends were hanging out, having a barbecue and jumping into a 3 foot pool filled with freezing cold hose water.. So I said, "I'm in, be there in a bit." So I quickly did a workout and hopped on my bike and pedaled over to Hawthorne in the sunshine. It wasn't exactly meditative time alone, but it served the same purpose: joy and resolution.

This weekend I didn't expect to figure it all out. I didn't expect that three days of spending time alone would lead me to any grand conclusions about what career I next want to go into, or how to heal my relationship with my mother. I know that it will take more than just one long weekend. But what I did realize is that I have a good life. I have a few problems, yes, but so does everyone else.. ultimately my life is wonderful. I have love and companionship, I have incredible friends, I have a comfortable place to live, I have plenty of food, I have a healthy and able body, I have good jobs that provide me with enough money, and I have ambition. So even though I am questioning certain things about my life, I know that it will come to me. My questions will be answered, well- at least the ones I need the answers to. And for the time being, I am happy and safe and healthy. I have abundance.

One thing I did decide this weekend is that this summer I am committing myself to experiencing joy. I am going to hang out with my friends more, be a bit more spontaneous, spend lots of time outside, and take spur of the moment adventures on days when I don't have much going on. I am going to do all the things that fill me with joy and grace.. I am going to surround myself with happiness and light so that my life will continue to be abundantly filled with exactly that. By making my journey a fulfilling one is how I will get the answers, how I will gain perspective and realize exactly who I am.. It's life.

Today Ramman came home around 1:30pm and I was thinking that I would do a workout and just hang out at home, but instead we spontaneously went to a river with his friend who is visiting for a week or so. His friend is from Portland originally and so he knew of a secluded spot on the Sandy River, about 45 minutes away. It was such a magical place. We got there and as it turned out it was a watershed and we had to hop a fence and walk about a mile (above picture) in to this bridge that was about 100 feet above the river. Nobody else was there. The river was pretty high, so instead of being able to just walk along the shallow rocks, we had to make our way down small cliffs, over rocks, and through brush until we got to one of the pools. We were all scratched up and stung by a few nettles so even though it wasn't too hot, we jumped right into the FREEZING water. It felt so amazing. The river wasn't the only thing that refreshed me.. I felt very calm in this place. I even could hear what sounded like voices as we were trekking through the woods.. happy voices.. river voices. It was the strangest thing; it was comforting. This is the way that I want to spend my summer.. my life. Enjoying the unknown experiences that make me feel alive and connected with the worlds around me.

The view of the river from the bridge:

Here's the WOD I did yesterday:
Half "Barbara"

5 Rounds for time:

10 Pullups

15 Pushups

20 Situps

25 Squats

17:45