This is not okay..

Portland sunrise.. a picture will do- no really, I don't need to see it..

Here are a few clues as to how effing early I have to get up on Wednesdays:

1) The sun isn't up

2) It's May, however it's cold enough to wear my puffy coat

3) The parking meters don't accept money yet

4) I'm at work before the construction workers

5) I'm at work an hour and a half before the coffee cart opens

6) The night security guard is still at the concierge desk

Last night I could not fall asleep. With this new Wednesday opening (4:45am!!!!!!) shift at March Wellness (my craptastic part-time, steady income, benefits job), I have pretty much resigned mayself to sleeping very little, like 4 hours, the night before, and taking a very long nap when I get home around noon. However, while I normally have no problem falling asleep around midnight (and waking up about 8:30, to no alarm, so nice..) on Tuesday nights I find myself anxious and wide awake until well after I attempt to go to sleep. Last night I was lying awake until after 2am, only for my alarm to go off at 4:15am. This is not okay. I don't normally drink coffee, since I quit last year, but these Wednesdays it is an absolute necessity. Why did I take this shift in the first place? Because in order to get benefits (medical and dental insurance) I must work at least 20 hours a week here. And the shittiest shifts were what I got.. low end of the totem pole, even though I've worked here for 2 years now. I am beginning to hate this place. While I am here, I dream about my garage and how nice it will be when I make more money training out of it 10 hours a week than I do with my two jobs and 25-30 hours combined. I am seriously considering dropping this early shift, and thus dropping my benefits for a while, for the sake of my physical and mental health. Some of you might say, "But it's only one day a week, not such a big deal!" Yeah, that's what I thought too.. but this is not the case. It makes it harder. And I'm not going to do it ANYMORE.

Okay, it's later in the day now, I'm home, had a nap- but still exhausted. It's a good day to take a rest since my body and brain are not actually fully functional. I spoke with my boss about this opening nonsense and hopefully I will be able to trade a shift with someone. Fingers crossed.. otherwise, I'm just going to have to say fuck it and lose some hours for the sake of my health.

All the more motivation to get my own thing going and stop working for others.